Something my mommy sent me

(received via email – I hope you will enjoy it as much as I did)

Old Age, I decided, is a gift.

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother/father!), but I don’t agonize over those things for long..

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I’ve aged, I’ve become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I’ve become my own friend. 

I don’t chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn’t need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon ?

I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 & 70’s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love .. I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken… How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody’s beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don’t question myself anymore. I’ve even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old(er). It has set me free. I like the person I have become . I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be…. And I shall eat dessert every single day. ( If I feel like it).

Boys will be boys…

(an email I received)

This is for those parents of boys, sisters of boys, and boys that have grown older. 
And anyone else who needs a laugh.
Why boys need parents…










!






And you also find out interesting things when you have sons, like…

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. Ft. House 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old Boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20 ft. Room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words ‘uh oh’, it’s already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36- year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR’s do not eject ‘PB & J’ sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin ! , TX has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
25. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Checking homework

(an email I received)

Dear Mrs. Jones,
I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer.
I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn’t show me dancing around a pole. It’s supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot.
>From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Smith

Beautiful

Just watch it and you’ll see…

Crayon box survey

Tagged from: sanityfound

RED = Anger

1. Are you currently mad at someone? not that I know off…

2. Which of your family members has the worst temper? If you had asked me this a few years ago, I would have said my brother… but now? Perhaps my father? But he’s apparently bi-polar, so I’m not sure if that counts?

3. Have you ever thrown something at anyone? Yes. I threw my cellphone at my ex. Broke the damn thing and had to get a new one. Very expensive exercise.

4. Does your face turn red when you’re angry? I’m not sure. I normally cry when I’m to angry – from frustration… not sure about the red… haven’t looked in a mirror when I’m angry… next time perhaps I will go “hang on a sec, I just have to see if my face is red when I’m cross”.

5. When you’re mad, do you prefer to stare angrily or yell? I’m similar to SantityFound here – I am calmer. If I feel myself getting angry, I walk away, step outside the situation, before I say or do something that I will regret. I take the time out to try and understand why I’ve reacted and to what exactly I’m reacting…

ORANGE = Excitement

1. Has anyone ever thrown a surprise party for you? Nope.

2. Do you get easily excited? I do get excited easily. Sometimes I’m compared to a child… Like, today I’m getting new scrap booking stuff!!! Yippee!!! Can’t wait to see it!!! Guess what I’m doing when I get home later…

3. What’s something that you’re most excited about? Right now? as above… and also, I get to spend the whole weekend with Monkey cos he’s not working!!! Yay!!! And we’re going to go cycling in a beautiful spot this weekend… And I’m looking forward to it!

4. If you won a million dollars, what would be your first thought? Are you serious? My first thing? Relief. Because it would mean that I wouldn’t have to stress about money for a while. I would be stunned. Wouldn’t be able to think really…

5. If you could have anything right now, what would it be? A million dollars… or just the day off, so I could go back home and spend the day with my creatures, scrapping!

YELLOW = Self Discovery

1. Name: Bojinx. Bo is part of a nickname… and Jinx… well, I’m one of those people that if there is a ball being thrown around or something, its gonna hit me on the head!

2. Birthday: Following in SanityFound’s footsteps… I’m cancerian. A typical cancerian, with a little bit of leo thrown in to make things interesting…

3. What’s your main goal in life? My main goal in life? To live it to the best of my ability. To do no harm. To love unconditionally all that I can.

4. Do you want to have children? Yes

5. When do you want to die? When I have learnt the lessons I am meant to in this lifetime… unless of course I need to teach for a while… I can do that… But I will go when the times is right…

GREEN = Opinions

1. Are you against gay marriage? No. Just because your lover is the same sex as you doesn’t give anyone else the right to judge. Its difficult enough finding someone to love and to love you back. Why do we have to “engender” it?

2. Lower the drinking age? I’m not sure about that. Here its 18. I think that they should increase or lower the driving age – its also 18 in this country. Kids either need to learn to drive properly first, or get the drinking years out of the way so that they can learn to and be responsible whilst driving. Now, the kids can start to drink and drive on the same day. Very bright.

BLUE = Love

1. Do you love someone? Yes

2. Do you believe in love at first sight? Love at first site? Not sure. Lust? Absolutely… and lust, well, that can turn into love… so perhaps…

PURPLE = Q & A

1. How many beds did you lay in today? One.

2. What color shirt are you wearing? Red one.

3. Name one thing that you do every day? Cuddle my kitty’s and my puppy. I would kiss Monkey every day, but sometimes I don’t see him for more than 24 hours at a time… oh… and I also smile. (sorry, that’s more than 1 thing… guess I like to go overboard…)

4. How much cash do you have on you right now? Umm. Maybe R30?

5. Look to your left. What’s there? my desk… at the moment the cleaning lady is clearing my tea mug…

6. What’s the last piece of clothing you borrowed? Ooh. Well, I can tell you what the next thing is that I’m borrowing… From a proper fancy dress party place… a psychedelic dress…

7. What website(s) do you visit most during the day? Work pages and of course Google…

8. Do you have plants in your room? No. I gave up trying to keep plants alive a long time ago. Its really not fair on them to ask me to look after them.

9. Does anything hurt on your body right now? No. right now? No.

10. What city was your last taxicab ride in? Spain. I think. Barcelona. The scary ride from the hotel to the airport. July 2007.

11. Do you own a picture phone? A phone that can take pictures? Yes. A phone that’s been in pictures (like photo’s)? yes.

12. Recent time you were really upset? On friday. Baby G had some allergic reaction, and I was so worried about him I was in tears.

PINK = Last

1. Person you saw: Work colleague.

2. Movie watched in cinema: City of Ember on Tuesday night.

3. Song you just listened to? I don’t now what it was called…

4. Person you talked on the phone with: Monkey

5. Did you notice that question 2 was gone? Sanity’s answer: “Nope, my undercover virgo renumbered it sheesh what do you take me for? A Cancerian?” – Ummm… like she said, she numbered it… but me, being a cancerian and all, well, I might have missed it…

GREY = Today

1. What are you doing right now? Typing answers to these questions and thinking about article Ihave to write now…

2. What are you doing tonight? Having a friend that I haven’t seen in a while over for dinner.

3. What are you going to eat? Tonight? Spaghetti bolognese… its quick and easy…

BROWN = Tomorrow

1. Is: Fridya

2. Goal: Complete articles that need writing… finish other work things I have on my plate… kiss my man…

3. Are you going to laugh? More than likely… I do seem to laugh most days .

Tagging? If you’re brave… scared? Shaking? Petrified?

Father Joseph

 

FOOTBALL AND THE BLONDE……

Football FINALLY makes sense……. …

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

‘Oh, I really liked it,’ she replied, ‘especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.’

Dumbfounded, her date asked, ‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: ‘Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback! ‘ I’m like…Helloooooo? It’s only 25 cents.’