Chapter 7 – the love stories

Where do I begin?    (Could all be a bit muddled… I’ve just written it, and am publishing now…)

After Chap 6. I was a bit of a wreck. As I’ve mentioned, I didn’t trust myself, or anyone else. I really had to find my feet again, and learn to believe in what I felt, what I believed again. It wasn’t an easy time for me. My friends were there for me, but I’m not, and never really have been a very good talker. I don’t seem to be able to express what I’m feeling really well – not by word of mouth at any rate.

I realised that I needed to find a hobby – something outdoors, with down to earth people. My friends weren’t what you would call down to earth. Or they were, but they weren’t what I was looking for – they were my friends because of time, time spent and time made to get to know each other. I needed to spend some time with people who didn’t care that you wore make-up or not, who didn’t care what car you drove, or what brand of clothes you happened to be wearing. I wanted to spend time with people who had more important things to do with their time than to talk about other people. (Shame, not to say that my friends weren’t real… they just didn’t have the same sense of things that I did at that stage. I needed a new place to find my feet. I couldn’t do it with them herding or cajoling me. I just wanted to be me – not the me they thought they knew).

I started doing something called rap jumping. And through this I became friends with the most amazing people. I joined the group. I was one of them. This is where I met my man. You pay money, and you get to jump 3 times. Running face down along a building… a building that’s about 70 metres high. What a feeling. So my first two jumps were good. You let yourself down slowly… then on the third jump you do something that’s called an Angel. Basically, about 2/3rds down the building, you let go of the rope, and you let your brake man stop you (they have all the power), and they bring you down as fast or as slow as they want. And of course, being the cheeky me that I am, they let me have it. And as I came closer to the ground, I met my brake man. I wrapped my arms around him, and he lowered me down some more, so I wrapped my legs around him and I hung on to him for dear life. “Thank-you for saving my life”. That is how I met my man.

Of course, he was seeing someone else at the time. But I wasn’t really interested then. I was interested in the jumping. It was such an awesome feeling. No matter what you were thinking, no matter what was going through your mind, the minute you looked over the edge of the building, you had to be in the moment. You had to be living that time. Now. Right here. Right now. I was hooked. I came back again and again and again… eventually becoming an instructor.

I was an instructor for about 6 months when Monkey (aka Chap 7… ) first kissed me. My housemate at the time was also an instructor, and some of the instructors had come round to our place for some reason. I went to some or other party with some other friends and came back home horribly drunk. And Monkey kissed me.

It was such a yummy kiss. What I can remember of it… I was a bit surprised by it… but also happy. It was such a nice tender kiss, filled with all sorts of feelings and emotions. It made me look at him very differently. And then, within a week, he’d told me (basically), that he wasn’t looking for anything, he just wanted to have some fun, and if I was keen, then cool, if not, that was cool to. Now I know me… There are some people you can have a fling with, and then there are others that you can’t. He was one that you can’t. cos you’d start falling for him… He’s one of the nice guys. One of the few decent ones left. I knew that I couldn’t just have a fling with him. So I said, well, thanks but no thanks. I can’t do that. Not with you.

And about a month later… he kissed me again (once more when I was drunk)… Only this time, the whole jumping crowd was going away for a weekend… and for about a week he and I were kissing surreptiously on the side, holding hands where no-one could see us… because they would have teased the crap out of us. And neither of us needed that. So we got back home, and again… he said the same thing “You’re a nice girl, and I don’t want to hurt you, but I can’t do a relationship”. “No problem,” I said “Just make sure that the next time you kiss me, you mean it. Because I won’t let you back out so easily”.

Another 6 months went past, I started seeing one guy, that ended, started seeing another one… this one came with me to a few of the jumping things, to a jump site, out for drinks etc. But for one or other reason I just knew that I actually couldn’t date him. So I ended things one Saturday night (the fact that I’d rather read Harry Potter than spend an evening with him kinda gave me a clue). The following weekend I went out dancing and drinking with two of my dearest Jo’burg friends. Monkey and some other people joined us. My one friend had driven the three of us, and the other was staying at my place. The driver friend wanted to leave, and I was having such a good time. Just enjoying myself and happy to be free once again… I asked Monkey if he’d give friend 2 and I a lift home, he said no problem (now by this time, there really was nothing between me and him – the last time we’d kissed had been months previously, and we were just friends…).

So he gave us a lift home. And his house was in the opposite direction to my place, so I said to him, if you want, you are welcome to sleep at my place, you’re a bit drunk, your place is far, nothing kinky, just sleep. So he climbed into my bed, and we started falling asleep… and then he kissed me.

And he really hasn’t stopped kissing me since. He is not my usual “type”. He cares, he feels, he listens, and he tries to understand – actually succeeds most times. He and I come from scarily similar backgrounds. I can’t categorize him or how I feel about him. I just know that I ever never been happier or more sure of or with something or someone in my life. The minute he hugs me, the second he puts his arms around me, the whole world and any shit just fades into the background. He is the haven I can call home. Wherever he is, is my home.  I can’t picture my life without him.

My one friend once told me it’ll never last. You’re to different. And yes, I guess we come across quite different. I’m a lot louder than he is… although these days, he’s really come out of his shell. He use to be so quiet, but now, now he takes to everyone … he didn’t used to sing… not even in his own car, when he was alone… now he sings in public… I wish that I could take the credit for all of this. But I don’t. I can’t. And I won’t. He is who he is despite me. Not because of me. I perhaps allowed him to just be him. Because the him that is, is just beautiful.

I can get very soppy when it comes to Monkey. Don’t get me wrong, our relationship isn’t perfect. We don’t exactly argue, but neither do we always agree.  And he can frustrate the hell out of me simply because he doesn’t say enough sometimes – I almost have to guess when something is wrong…

But I’ve come to realise, understand and accept that he is who he is. And I can’t change it. Not only can’t I change it,  but I shouldn’t want to. I shouldn’t even try. The things that are important to me are the things that are important to him. And if something really bothers him, then he’ll have to open his mouth, because he knows I’m not a mind reader. Although we can and do read each other pretty well…

He is just as he is. And to me… that is what makes it beautiful. That is what makes him beautiful. Its not often you meet someone that makes you want to be a better you. He instills that in me. I am worthy. And I will be the best that I can be. No, that doesn’t mean I am not “allowed” to do things… it just means that where, for example, in some instances you would want to test someone, to see how far you can push them? Well, I’ve never done that to him. Never needed to. Never wanted to. We are just as we are. Together.

I want to be a better me. And having known him, and knowing him like I do, I hope that that will stay with me for the rest of my life.

p.s. did I tell you that 7 was one of my favourite numbers???