An introduction to the Airport

I’ve spent a lot of my time at the airport. Saying hello, saying goodbye, sometimes not saying anything at all.

Throughout my life I’ve gone between two towns, early on in life I had no choice, but later… later it was my choice, and I continued doing it.

For me, there is no reason to go back to Johannesburg. But for my partner, well, he left everything behind to start up in a new town. His whole family is still there. So of course, we will go back… but this time its not for me… its for someone else.

And this, in a strange way, is a sense of relief for me. I guess its because I don’t HAVE to go. I’ll go because I want to, not because I’m obliged to go. Which is odd… I’ve always felt I’ve had to go back and forth, to visit one parent or the other, or for funerals, mother’s day, special birthdays, weddings etc… I’ve “had” to go (“had” to like that because I felt it was my “duty”).

And now. Now I’m free… obviously I want to go for weddings and children and stuff… but there’s no family to “have” to see… not for me at any rate… we’ll be going to celebrate things… celebrate people… I’m already definitely booked In Jo’burg for May as a bridesmaid… me in a dress… jeepers I really got to love the bride now don’t I??? Anyways….

I wanted to share with you a moment that I wrote about a while ago… a moment I spent at the airport. It was my “home coming” flight… and before I say anymore… here it is:

The intercom announces “flight 1T112 is now open for boarding at gate 12″. I look around and see a few people getting up off their chairs, gathering their belongings and start heading for the gate. Its my flight as well, I should follow their lead, but I hate standing in queues. If I sit for 5 more minutes I can be there in a flash, having my boarding ticket docked in and entering the bus before the last straggler is in the bus.

Why does everyone stand in line, the way I see it, we’ll all get on the plane, no need to rush to the front of the line. Ours seats have been allocated already, whether we’re first or last in line. We’re going to sit where we get to.

I sat watching those around me on the uncomfortably dirty blue airport chairs. They make a nice change though from the floor at the Cape Town airport. There is a group of girls, talking and laughing at each other. I hope they’re not on my flight. I don’t want to laugh right now. I’m leaving my life. The life I’ve spent 12 years making. And in 2 hours it will be over. A new journey will begin. And for now I wish to mourn the passing of my Jo’burg journey.

I know that I haven’t lost the friends that I made there. They will always be a part of my future, there is no doubt about that. But I just want to feel sad that I won’t be seeing them as regularly. My friends. My self made family. My housemates. My life lines.

There’s another lady sitting in front of me. It looks as though she’s been crying. Red puffy eyes, tissues in her hand. She looks like I feel. I also just want to cry. But not in public. oh no. Never in public. Not me. I’ve just said goodbye. And I can’t even allow myself to grieve….